Adapting Communication Styles

          In my life, I interact with and communicate with a variety of individuals belonging to different groups and cultures on a regular basis.  When I thought about the ways in which I communicate with them, I realized that I adapt my style of communication according to context and who I am speaking to. At times, while I make a conscious decision to alter how I communicate, at other times I do it unconsciously. For example, although I would communicate differently with my parents than I would with close friends, the change in style happens automatically. However, if I were communicating with a new parent attending my preschool program, first of all I would alter my style of communicate to be professional in comparison to the casual language I would use with friends and family and secondly I would listen to the individual, ask questions and look for non-verbal cues before making a conscious decision on the appropriate style of communication. Even among friends, due to difference in cultural contexts, how I communicate with friends in Sri Lanka differs to how I communicate with friends in the US. 

My ultimate goal in all my communications is to ensure that I am being culturally sensitive towards everyone I communicate with and being respectful towards all.  In order to achieve that, both in my professional life as well as in my personal life, I have realized that I need to make conscious decisions about what I should say or not say so as not to offend anyone as a result of differences in race, religion, political affiliation, sexual orientation, varying abilities, cultural traditions and beliefs etc. For example when I recently met a close friend’s husband for the first time, I realized that I couldn’t communicate with him the same way I could with my friend. As we conversed I learned we had very different views on some topics and had to be cautious and conscious of what I said so as not to offend him. For example, unlike my friend who is Christian, he was an atheist and I being of the Christian Faith myself, I realized it would be best if we avoided discussing religion so no one would be left feeling offended in anyway. 

            This week’s resources (Gonzalez-Mena, J., 2010) taught me several strategies that I believe would help me be a more effective communicator when interacting with others from different groups and cultures:

-          Acknowledge the fact that the way we see the world is not the only way or the right way and take the time to see things and understand things through the eyes of others before rushing to judgment.

-          Take the time to be aware of my own non-verbal behaviors as well as take the time to understand the meaning behind the behaviors of others.

-          Not make assumptions about cultural groups or feel as if I can predict someone’s behavior just because I have some knowledge of their culture.

References:

Gonzalez-Mena, J. (2010). 50 strategies for communicating and working with diverse families. Upper Saddle River, NJ: Pearson Education, Inc.

Non-Verbal Communication - Reflections on watching a TV program without sound

I chose to watch an episode of the show ‘Still Standing. The main characters in the story seemed to be a family of five; the Mom, the Dad, two daughters and a son.  In addition, in this episode there were two additional characters who I assumed to be a friend of the Mom’s and a neighbor of the family. During the most of their interactions with each other, the family seemed to become frustrated with each other easily. This was visible in their facial expressions and in their body language. During several instances throughout the program, anger and frustration were visible in the Mom’s face, in the son’s face and the older daughter’s face. The Dad is smiling throughout most of the show and he seemed to use humor in his interactions. Both the Mom and Dad seemed to use sarcasm in their interactions with each other. Mom seemed to be the most expressive through the use of her facial expressions, especially the use of eyes such as eye rolls and raised eyebrows. A look of shock, disbelief and anger is seen in the Mom’s face when she discovers both the son and Dad at their neighbor’s house giving her admiring glances when they were supposedly helping her out. The Mom’s friend looked worried about something as she sat in the family’s kitchen talking to the Mom. The family can also be seen using various hand gestures to stress the point their making. For example the Dad is trying to take the younger daughter’s temperature and it seems the older daughter is doubtful that he knows what he is doing. He puts up his hand as if to say ‘wait a minute, I know what I am doing’. In another instance, the older daughter is seen addressing the parents with both hands on her hips as if in anger and frustration. In another instance, the son shakes his head as if to say no when both his parents at different times seem to offer him advice and help with his school work. 

          My assumptions about the relationships between the family members was accurate although the lady the Dad and son were helping out were not a neighbor they knew as I had assumed but someone the son found to help out for community service. My general assumptions about the plot were accurate, such as the son and Dad ‘helping out’ the lady just to admire her and the Mom being upset at discovering it. There were several parts of the plot I missed, such as the Mom being unhappy and unwilling to deal with the fact that her little boy is growing up and is becoming a man. My assumption that the Mom’s friend was talking to her about a problem was also accurate. I feel like I was able to make many accurate assumptions about the main characters and overall plot of the show just by observing their non-verbal behaviors. However, by watching the show with the sound on, I realized that there were several aspects to the story I missed which were revealed when I listened to the verbal communication between the characters. For example, I assumed the parents were trying to help the son with homework, when he was actually looking for community service jobs. I feel my assumptions about this show would have been more accurate if it was a show I watched regularly because I would have a better understanding about the dynamics between the characters.

         I truly enjoyed this assignment and what I realized by doing it was the importance of both non-verbal and verbal skills in our communication. If the characters had not used as many non-verbal skills as they did, I would not have been able to make as many assumptions about the characters and plot as I was able to in this case when watching without sound. When I actually listened to the communications that took place among the characters in the show I realized that the verbal communication added significantly to the plot some of which I had missed by just observing non-verbal behavior. I think that the use of both non-verbal skills as well as verbal skills is essential for communicating effectively and being effectively understood by the listener.

Competent Communicators

When I think of someone I know who I believe is a competent communicator, I think of my father. In addition to being a college professor for over thirty years, he has held many leadership positions throughout his career which required him to interact with many different kinds of personalities and address many different types of audiences from college student to politicians. 

My father is very approachable. He is always a very willing and attentive listener. He listens to all that you have to say before providing his own input. He asks clarifying questions if needed. When he responds, he responds in a very thoughtful manner. Whatever the issue maybe, I can always count on him to look at a situation objectively. There have been many times when I was able to only see one side of a situation he would surprise me by pointing out a different way of looking at it. Regardless of his own personal opinion he would point out multiple ways of looking at a situation. If a decision needs to be made, he would point out the pros and cons without pressuring me to make a decision on way or another. For this reason, I usually turn to him when I need advice before I make any important decisions and many family members and friends do the same. I also admire my father’s ability to stay even in emotionally charged situations and his ability to use his tone of voice which is always respectful to get his point across. I have yet to see him react to a situation with emotion. 

I have always been quick to respond with emotion to situation especially within my own family. I am also quick to respond without first taking the time to think things through. My father’s ability to stay calm even in emotionally charged situations and his approach to thinking before speaking are two communication skills that I admire and would definitely likely to master.