Resolving conflict using Nonviolent Communication and the 3 Rs

In my current capacity as an Assistant Teacher, I co-teach a Pre-K classroom with two other teachers. One of the teachers is the Lead teacher for the classroom while the other teacher holds the title Assistant Teacher like me. Despite the titles we hold, our goal has been to work collaboratively as a team. However, over the two years that we have been working together as a team we have had many issues which we have not been able to resolve completely. My Lead Teacher and I often felt that the Assistant Teacher was not fulfilling her share of daily classroom responsibilities. During planning meetings she would often stay quiet neither contributing ideas nor expressing any opinions about ideas offered by us. Often times, she would not follow through with the lesson plans designed for the classroom. In addition, she seemed to have a difficult time accepting direction from the Lead Teacher or myself. Even though we tried to talk to her about the situation she became defensive and shutdown to the point where we had no way of knowing what she was thinking, feeling or what her own frustrations might be. Despite our frustrations and our inability to resolve the situation did not approach the Director about it, not wanting to get our co-worker ‘in trouble’. She on the other hand, rather than discussing her frustrations with us directly, approached the Director and complained that we were excluding her, not taking her ideas into consideration, not communicating with her etc. This led to a meeting with the Director where each of us got the opportunity to openly voice our concerns. The Director immediately recognized that the underlying issue was our failure to communicate with each other effectively.  

                Looking back on the conflict I believe that my colleagues and I could have handled the situation more effectively by applying the concepts of Nonviolent Communication and the 3 R s. First of all, I think we all needed to take the time to see things from each other’s perspectives and understand what the other may have been feeling about the situation. During our discussion we learned from the Assistant Teacher that the way the Lead Teacher asked her to do something made her feel as if she was ordered around. My Lead Teacher and I made her aware that while our intentions were not to exclude her, rather than place blame on us alone for not communicating with her that she too needs to take the initiative to find out what is going on and be an active part of the conversations taking place about the classroom. There were many other issues that were discussed during the meeting that allowed all three of us to learn about how each of us felt and what we needed from each other to improve the situation. 

Although I was unaware of the concept of Nonviolent Communication and the 3Rs at the time, looking back as well as moving forward I can see how our relationships can benefit from being more respectful and responsive in our interactions, stating observations about a situation rather than judging, taking each other’s feelings and needs into consideration and being mindful of our choice of words when we are making requests so it does not seem like we are making demands.  While we have been able to improve the situation by being more conscious about how we communicate with each other, our efforts at working well together as a team is still a work in progress. My Lead Teacher and I ensure that the Assistant Teacher is aware of all classroom happenings and plans and she too makes the effort to check-in with us regularly. My Lead teacher is more conscious about how she asks the Assistant Teacher to do a task and we all make an extra effort to active listen to each other. I believe that by using my newfound knowledge, my colleagues and I will be able to become more effective communicators and improve how we function as a team.